Something’s gone missing..

Something’s gone missing..

Off late, I have had these overwhelming feelings, some which  sometimes cannot be controlled. They aren’t exactly negative feelings (i ain’t PMSing, mind you) ..I dont even know whether they are feelings, just words that sometimes need a ear. I miss that quintessential ear that would sit by me and listen to my shit, just like I do for most people. Maybe just a punching bag.

I miss all those times, when I managed to cry in front of frank about an infatuation going sour, I miss apeksha (ohh, I so miss apeksha), to just give a hug, like I did on a 20th march  and cry and wail my heart out till the time I felt so empty that I fell asleep in her arms and slept like I haven’t slept in years. I miss nights by the shekhar with Ro and the gang, high and so happy that, everything felt like a joke and every ill thought seemed distant. 

Most friends questioned my choice of people when it came to trust, but somehow, I always opened to the fact, that everybody is worth your time and trust. Just figure out who would be unselfish enough to return it back. Somehow though, I have only met some very self centred jerks in the past year or so. My bad, maybe.

However, As time passes me by, the notion that “everybody hurts” has grown so deep, that I sometimes fear, I will not be able to trust anyone. The wall just grows bigger and the people managing to circumvent it grows smaller. After a certain point in time, the trials cease and the people choose to move away. What sucks is, the moment the befriending cycle begins.. the estrangement one begins running simultaneously on a sub conscious level.. and on one turn, the latter takes over. Nothing remains then.

I don’t know why I am putting this down. I probably just miss frank,anshu,meenal (probably, the only non-judgemental person I have met) , chinky (yes, you are a jerk.. but you still managed to make me super happy) and/or the ones that I could have truly loved.

I am growing older and I feel the need to close on the barriers of this feeling… or else, I will slowly spiral into some kind of random nothingness.

Which will lead me to either insanity or INSANITY… whichever comes first.

Bleh me, for writing this down. Just an emotional outburst..