A letter to my Mom n Dad..

Dear Mom & Dad, 
I thank god with all my heart for giving me parents like you!
Even if  I'd think of a million ways to pay my gratitude for what you've done for me, I wouldn't be able to.
You are a reason why I feel there's a reason to survive this bitter world, when everything's going wrong. 
You believe your son's the best, even when he's not.. and that's what inspires me to be a better person!
Mom, I love you so so much I hate myself for not being able to tell you that.. but I know that you know it, when you look me in the eyes .
May you have a long life and may god give me chances to be the reason for the smiles on your faces!
Love You.

The Fall

I let the tears fall
Because stopping them from flowing down the cheeks would mean locking up regrets in a dark corner of the heart forever
Regrets that would haunt me in the light of the day with all the pain..
So I let them fall..
Because at this hour of night, no one would confront me the reason..
No why's to answer..
Because now, no one could see me crying in this light less room..
I let them fall
Because I wanted that stone on my heart, for hurting other heart be lifted..
I let them fall, cuz I coudnt control myself.
Just like all the other nights when I cried myself to sleep..

The Cloudless Sky

Raindrops kept on falling

when I was happy.

Now my eyes are wet

And the sky, cloudless.

Iktara by Tochi Raina From 'Wake up Sid'

Well enjoy this version of the song

http://www.4shared.com/file/156455222/53bd6599/Iktara_-_Male_Version_-_by_Toc.html?cau2=403tNull

Here is lyrics+translation to the song, courtesy Amitabh Iyer http://spinningawheel.blogspot.com/2009/12/969-iktara-male-version-from-wake-up.html :

Rooh ka banjara re parinda
Chhad gaya dil ka re gharonda
Chhad gaya dil ka re gharonda todke
Re gharonda todke, gaya chhodke

(rooh = spirit, self or seat of intellect, banjara= nomad, parinda = pigeon, free rebel bird

Its the free spirit (in me) that is soaring, flying out like a bird, escaping from my heart, which (once) used to be its abode…..breaking the shackles that held it within….(as we talk), the spirit is away on a wing and a prayer, having bolted from its own (constraining) home.)

Je naina karun band band
Beh jaye boond boond (2)
Tadpaye re, kyun sunaye geet malhar de

(Every time  I close my eyes, the river (of tears) begins to drizzle (down)…..Anguish and misery are my (constant) company, even as the song (and sounds) of rain(s) have started their slow dance.)

Bemalang tera iktara (8)

(As I have said in my previous post Iktara is a single stringed instrument capable of a deep bass and a sharp treble…..and hence is metaphorical of music and the seven notes and life’s up and down in general. This line says….

My iktara continues to harp without any chord, melody or joy….)

Itra tun basi basi, padi hai sirhane
Band darwaja dekhe lauti hai subah
Thandi hai angeethi seeli, seeli hain deewarein
Goonje takrake inme dil ki sada
Goonje hai re (2) dil ki sada (2)

(itra = colloquial word for perfume or an aromatic body paste

My embellishments (like my scents and fragrances) are lying wasting around, breathing their (useless) aromas out and (in the process) dying….My (new) morning (and fresh beginnings) are about to return back after knocking endlessly on my closed doors….My oven and my walls are all damp and cold (due to neglect and disregard)…..In all of these atrophy(surrounding me), all I can hear is the wail of a dirge from my soul, this slow constant echoing lament of my heart.)

)

Jo naina karun band band
Beh jaye boond boond (2)
Tadpaye re, kyun sunaye geet malhar de

(Every time  I close my eyes, the river (of tears) begins to drizzle (down)…..Anguish and misery are my (constant) company, even as the song (and sounds) of rain(s) have started their slow dance.)

Bemalang tera iktara (8)

(My iktara continues to harp without any chord, melody or joy….)

No Love Needed

I don't need your love anymore

Yes there are times

When I'm completely broken up

And want you badly

To talk to me and share your life

But that's just a momentary longing for love

After the tears have sunken in,

I go back to being normal..

The boy with a fake smile plastered on his face

Hiding beneath all his emotions

That he's so scared to share.

Dreams

I wanna stay up all night 

and talk to you

and feel them butterflies

flutter in my stomach

like they used to..

I wanna watch

the sun set and the moon rise

while being in your arms.

And see your face

with the purest glance.

But I know 

it will happen 

only in my dreams..

You belong to someone else
while I wish someday,
You'll belong with me.

Breaking Bond

Falling in and out of love
Seems like a game for you.

One day, you're all into me

Lovin me, adoring me,

Making me feel

Like I'm the only one

You've ever loved

And there's no other boy

Who can ever replace me.

But then you,

You have your own way

Of making me miserable.

Your littlest ignorance

Gives me the worst ideas

And makes me hate you.

A million questions

Rise in my mind

But I can never ask.

You keep your distance,

I keep mine.

And in that time,

The special bond

That we build up every time

Starts to break

Piece by piece,

All I can do is sit n watch

And wonder if you can see it too.

Losing Her

How does it feel

when you cannot be a part 

of someone's happiness

even when you want to be

so badly?

When you want to be with someone,

a friend,

but they drift away in time..

leaving you only with moments

spent with them as flashes of memories

in your brain..?

Its like a dagger

in the flesh, 

when you miss them insane.

Your life goes on well,

so does theirs.

But somewhere,

the void that builds up

cuz of there absence 

can never be filled.

I don't know 

if you'd ever read these words , 

but tonight

i'll pray that you return 

to be in my life again

Someday.

Unsent Text

You know you've been on my mind..

And however much I lie,

You're the one i'll dream of every night

You're the one I wish to be with 

but scared to say out loud.

Never Again

I was living with the fear

Of having a void

That would never be filled.

Then I met you.

Who mingled in my life

So easily..

And covered up that emptiness

With smiles and affection.

You warmed my heart

With love and care.

So much, that I never felt lonely again. 

Secrets!

So I Begin : 

1. If  i'm too sleepy but talking to someone through any medium, in person/online /on phone/text, the chances of me remembering the conversation are as low as 10% ! Ive had many embarrassing instances cuz of this in the past.

2. I'd rather watch a movie ALL ALONE than to sit next to someone who talks too much. I get homicidal thoughts if the person doesn't know how to control their chats until after the movie, don't care who the person is !


3. My bestfriends are MY best friends.. I'm not ashamed to say i'm possessive about them. It is like we share a "relationship". I get insecure if any other "boy-friend" spends more time with my BFFs.

4. I eat a lot . It may not seem so but I really do..lots of chocolates, butter stuff, ghee smeared chapatis, chicken and all those things my friends stay away from saying "so much fat in it". Why I dont gain any weight is a mystery to me too.

5. I judge people by their choice of music.

Three AM Thoughts

Three A.M... Playlist on shuffle and love songs playing one on one. Makes me think. Nothing happening in life as planned.. I'm not lonely, I just feel vacant. The only ones I can call or text right now are my best friends. I remember how the nights were so different this summer. I wasn’t this alone. Time literally flew when we two used to talk and it was all so dream-like and wonderful. Maybe I miss that time more than the person.

I guess it’s easier to lose people in life. Some little mistakes when combined become a huge roadblock on the path of your relationship and everything you've worked so hard for is gone. It could take minutes to end a relationship or it can deteriorate slowly, day by day. That is more painful. Everything should be instant, at least it hurts less.

The slow death is catastrophic. It leaves you nowhere because for the time it is in the dying process, you have that hope that maybe it’s gonna get back that life..and you try to do things to make it work, you wish for miracles and never miss a chance to give it all. But then as it has to die, you are shattered when it’s over. I don't say instant end isn't painful, just that you don't have to go through that useless 'extra effort' part in it.

But then again, if you've really been in love with someone so much, you can't believe it is The End if it happens in an instant.

I know I sound confused..

Life is confusing too and we've got to deal with it, Every Day and Night. All I know right now is, there's a Heart Vacancy and I don't see anyone who can fill it at the moment. I'm going to be content being alone until I find 'The One'.

:)

1. PIZZA !!!

2. Chicken <3  

3. Momos 

4. Maggi

5. Chocolate 

1. Coldplay - The Scientist

I love this song beyond explanations. Its like the one song I dont listen much but can't forget the lyrics ever. It makes feel certain things no other song has ever made me feel. One Helluva ordinary yet amazing song. This song gives hope about starting all over again.. 

Morning Rain

Morning Rain

"I Wake Up In The Morning, 

To The Sound Of Raindrops,

And I Wonder Where You'd Be,

And I Wonder If It's Raining There; 

Where Ever You Are I Hope You Think Of Me, 

When Its Raining There.."

There's something about rain that makes us all fall in love.. After going through an extremely hot summer, we await the rain desperately. The first showers bring immense happiness, smiles, celebration.. everyone rejoices the onset of monsoon ! The days that follow with the presence of dark clouds in the sky are no different too. That awesome feeling when we wake up to see its raining outside early morning has no comparisons !

 I remember my childhood days when I'd wake up to a sunless sky and then wish it'd be raining hard instead so I could skip school. I also remember the feeling of disappointment when it would start raining soon after entering the classroom ..! Those endless prayers sent above to make it rain before reaching school would all go in vain.. Been trapped in the classroom on a rainy day would be no less than a tragedy!

Growing up.. I remember the college days when the drizzles would wet the face during the bus rides with the

rainy songs playlist on, adding up to the awesome feeling of appreciating another beautiful gift of nature.

Last year, a rainy morning spent with friends was the most beautiful Rainy Day I've ever had in my life, so far.. Its Unforgettable. I miss that day, I miss how beautiful my city looked, I miss how  the tiny raindrops filled the air and beautified everything around.. I keep wishing for such rainy mornings. 

More than anything, right now I miss the thoughts and the state of emotions on waking up to morning rain.

Monsoon is eagerly awaited. 

<3

Listen this lovely song about rain :)

Secondhand Serenade Your Call

There's something about listening love songs at Three AM on a dark night. When you can still look the walls through the dark..and think, reminisce..miss. At times you've got someone to talk through the night.. at other times, you're just on you own. Wishing, waiting.

Such are the songs on my mind lately.. and Secondhand Serenade is the band I love to listen when i'm awake till dawn. the lyrics, slow music and the ordinary voice of the lead singer are just perfect!

So today, two of my favorite Secondhand Serenade songs for you to listen and love :)