Saturday, 19 November 2011

“Mehrooni” is the story of a maroon sweater which is knitted in Mumbai and it grows in Mumbai. It’s becomes the symbol of an unexceptional couple’s journey, struggling to keep their love alive, and survive life in the chaos of a clockwork modern world.  It’s not those lavish sets or those exotic locations that portray love. “Mehrooni, shows the love of a common man. Shown from a commuters perspective who travels in a crowded local everyday and observes a couple that always travels together. Where the wife sits and knits a sweater, husband spends time reading the newspaper. And suddenly one day the commuter is surprised to see only the man alone. Once he goes and speaks to him, he realizes that love exists whether the person does or not.  And then unveils a love-story which is not only mushy and surprising but also as true as it can be.
The movie portrays Simple Love in a Busy World, which still exists but we don’t see it. There are Romeos & Juliets out there. Just because their story is not told, doesn’t mean that they don’t exist. Love exists in daily life too and this move reiterates that fact. Script is as well knitted and edited as the maroon sweater, the actors are effortless and real. Music by Arijit Dutta is as soulful as Rekha Bhardwaj’s voice crooning in the background. Whole story is told with such an amazing sensitivity and grace that it will surely move you.  Somewhere I feel they made it a bit more sentimental , but then sentiments are part of our daily lives.  My favourite moment is when the guy wears the unfinished sweater which doesn’t have one arm.
Somebody summarized it beautifully
“ Mehrooni jaise pyar sirf kahaniyon mein nahi hota…kahaniya hoti hain kyoki mehrooni jaisa pyar hota hain”

Sunday, 14 August 2011

Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara- An Experience.

I am not writing this review as a critic. I am writing as a normal person, who spent hard earned money and went to watch this movie in the hope that for a while it will take me away from my life. Into a life we all dream of having.

The movie revolves around the lives of three friends, Kabir (Abhay Deol), Imran (Farhan Akhtar) and Arjun (Hritik Roshan). They call themselves the three musketeers. Thick friends they were, who drifted apart, as friends normally do.
The movie begins on a very “aww” note as Kabir proposes marriage to Natasha (played by Kalki) in a rather funny setting. She accepts and that’s the end of Kabir’s so called freedom.
Like all Bachelors, he too decides to do a guy thing, a bachelor trip, to Spain, with his best friends, Arjun and Imran.
Arjun, a jet set market analyst is loathe to give up on his important assignments, but Kabir blackmails him into coming along. That’s where the movie really begins.
This movie has won accolades for cinematography, and not without reason. Yes, Spain is a beautiful country, but I have to applaud the way it has been shot. Every frame called out to the photographer in me. Every moment in those rugged mountains, at the lips of the sea, every setting sun made me want to be there, in real time, experiencing the immense beauty of nature this movie so beautifully captured. It was an apt portrayal of “zindagi”, Life at its best.
So the friends have a pact of performing stunts, anything at all, a surprise, and one each from the three friends. It is their way of discovering themselves and overcoming their fear. I will not go into the details of what happens thereafter in technical or review terms.
I want to talk about what this movie did for me. To me.
It gripped me. It dazed me. It made me want to cry and then jump with joy, all in a matter of seconds.
They go for deep water diving. Arjun is afraid of water. That’s where Laila (Katrina) makes an entry. She breathes confidence into him. She takes him deep into the bowels of the sea. The corals, the stark contrast of the orange fish against the yellow of the corals and the turquoise of the sea make your heart stop. The sheer magnitude of beauty at that depth blows the mind away. Arjun overcomes his fear. For the first time, there are tears of happiness in his eyes. He forgets work, money and luxuries, he concentrates on himself.That’s when this poem is recited in the background, as the waves crash.
Pighle neelam sa behta ye sama, 
neeli neeli si khamoshiyan,
 
na kahin hai zameen na kahin aasmaan,
 
sarsaraati hui tehniyaan pattiyaan,
 
keh raheen hai bas ek tum ho yahan,
 
bas main hoon, meri saansein hain aur meri dhadkanein,
 
aisi gehraiyaan, aisi tanhaiyaan, aur main... sirf main.
 
Apne hone par mujhko yakeen aa gaya.
Self discovery. In silence, in the horizon where there is no way to differentiate where sea ends and the sky begins. In that silence, you hear yourself; no one exists, but you. You have found yourself. You now know you exist. I felt like I had discovered myself, as I watched the sea and sky blend into one another, the only sound was that of the water, in turmoil as the coils inside my mind relaxed and let go. I smiled. That was the impact it created.
The next stunt is sky diving. Imran,a poet. The limitless sky is his fear. He is afraid of being a bird. Here there is no Katrina to teach him to forget his limits, but a rather comic instructor.
When at last he does dive off the plane, there was a collective gasp in the cinema hall. The jigsaw of earth lay below him as he flew around in the sky. This scene is again commendably shot as the three of them frolic like kids in the clouds. They join hands, form the circle of life.
At that moment, I wanted to be inside that circle, I wanted the power to fly. I wanted to feel the music of the blowing wind.
Soon after this, Imran meets his estranged father, Salman (Naseeruddin) and discovers why his mother hid his true parentage all these years from him. This is a beautiful part of the movie, which teaches us that everything in life happens for a reason and no matter what happens, family stands by us, friends stand by us. That sadness is an inherent part of everyone’s life. And only after experiencing sadness do we discover what happiness truly is.
The last stunt, the most difficult of all, is the fear all humans feel. The fear of death.
While bulls are let loose in a tight alley, Arjun, Kabir and Imran promise one another, that should they get out of this alive, they would live the life they deserve, fearless. The kings of their own rights.
Whether they live or not, is for you to watch and find out.
The movie ends with another beautiful recitation:
Dilon mein tum apni betaabiyan leke chal rahe ho, toh zinda ho tum 
Nazar mein khwaabon ki bijliyan leke chal rahe ho, toh zinda ho tum 
Hawa ke jhokon ke jaise aazad rehna seekho 
Tum ek dariya ke jaise lehron mein behna seekho 
Har ek lamhe se tum milo khole apni baahein 
Har ek pal ek naya samaa dekhiye 

Jo apni aankhon mein hayraniyan leke chal rahe ho, toh zinda ho tum 
Dilon mein tum apni betaabiyan leke chal rahe ho, toh zinda ho tum
 
We are alive as long as we dream, we are alive as long as there is thrill.So many times in life, we forget to live.We let work rule our lives. We think money is the pursuit to happiness. Zindagi na milegi dobara is a not just about scenic beauty of a country, it is a saga of the intricacies that make life. It is a lesson that life must be lived, now, in the present. To the fullest. We become slaves to worldly possessions that don’t matter while ignoring the little joys such as love, companionship and watching the stars unfurl their light in the night sky.

All I want to say is, watch it, go with an open heart, an open mind. I learned so much, maybe so will you.
This movie is not just a movie, but an experience.

Monday, 25 July 2011

A lot like love

You know that feeling when you bump into someone out of the blue and feel like you've known them forever? And you get so close that people actually think you're going out? And yet, you just cherish the friendship without really falling for each other?
Yes, it's a lot like love.
But just not that.
It's a lot more.
A lot.

Never ending rants.

Yes, I know it's been ages since I posted anything here.
Honestly, I don't think I have anything to share with anyone.
And I'm kinda tired of ranting about how college just about NEVER starts soon enough.
Or about how lazy I am with packing stuff for college.
Or how the coming two weeks feel like they're going to be two months long.
Or how I'd never get a new phone when I want it the most. Like, right now.

Or how the irritating relatives would come over just when I plan to go out.
Or how my best friend is down with horrible cold.
Or how October is still so so far away.
Oooh.
I forgot, I was supposed to be tired of ranting.
But it never ends, you know?

Saturday, 18 June 2011

A letter to my Mom n Dad..

Dear Mom & Dad, 
I thank god with all my heart for giving me parents like you!
Even if  I'd think of a million ways to pay my gratitude for what you've done for me, I wouldn't be able to.
You are a reason why I feel there's a reason to survive this bitter world, when everything's going wrong. 
You believe your son's the best, even when he's not.. and that's what inspires me to be a better person!
Mom, I love you so so much I hate myself for not being able to tell you that.. but I know that you know it, when you look me in the eyes .
May you have a long life and may god give me chances to be the reason for the smiles on your faces!
Love You.

The Fall

I let the tears fall
Because stopping them from flowing down the cheeks would mean locking up regrets in a dark corner of the heart forever
Regrets that would haunt me in the light of the day with all the pain..
So I let them fall..
Because at this hour of night, no one would confront me the reason..
No why's to answer..
Because now, no one could see me crying in this light less room..
I let them fall
Because I wanted that stone on my heart, for hurting other heart be lifted..
I let them fall, cuz I coudnt control myself.
Just like all the other nights when I cried myself to sleep..

The Cloudless Sky

sky




Raindrops kept on falling
when I was happy.
Now my eyes are wet
And the sky, cloudless.

Friday, 17 June 2011

Iktara by Tochi Raina From 'Wake up Sid'

Well enjoy this version of the song


Here is lyrics+translation to the song, courtesy Amitabh Iyer http://spinningawheel.blogspot.com/2009/12/969-iktara-male-version-from-wake-up.html :
Rooh ka banjara re parinda
Chhad gaya dil ka re gharonda
Chhad gaya dil ka re gharonda todke
Re gharonda todke, gaya chhodke
(rooh = spirit, self or seat of intellect, banjara= nomad, parinda = pigeon, free rebel bird
Its the free spirit (in me) that is soaring, flying out like a bird, escaping from my heart, which (once) used to be its abode…..breaking the shackles that held it within….(as we talk), the spirit is away on a wing and a prayer, having bolted from its own (constraining) home.)

Je naina karun band band
Beh jaye boond boond (2)
Tadpaye re, kyun sunaye geet malhar de
(Every time  I close my eyes, the river (of tears) begins to drizzle (down)…..Anguish and misery are my (constant) company, even as the song (and sounds) of rain(s) have started their slow dance.)

Bemalang tera iktara (8)
(As I have said in my previous post Iktara is a single stringed instrument capable of a deep bass and a sharp treble…..and hence is metaphorical of music and the seven notes and life’s up and down in general. This line says….
My iktara continues to harp without any chord, melody or joy….)
Itra tun basi basi, padi hai sirhane
Band darwaja dekhe lauti hai subah
Thandi hai angeethi seeli, seeli hain deewarein
Goonje takrake inme dil ki sada
Goonje hai re (2) dil ki sada (2)
(itra = colloquial word for perfume or an aromatic body paste
My embellishments (like my scents and fragrances) are lying wasting around, breathing their (useless) aromas out and (in the process) dying….My (new) morning (and fresh beginnings) are about to return back after knocking endlessly on my closed doors….My oven and my walls are all damp and cold (due to neglect and disregard)…..In all of these atrophy(surrounding me), all I can hear is the wail of a dirge from my soul, this slow constant echoing lament of my heart.)
)
Jo naina karun band band
Beh jaye boond boond (2)
Tadpaye re, kyun sunaye geet malhar de
(Every time  I close my eyes, the river (of tears) begins to drizzle (down)…..Anguish and misery are my (constant) company, even as the song (and sounds) of rain(s) have started their slow dance.)
Bemalang tera iktara (8)
(My iktara continues to harp without any chord, melody or joy….)

Wednesday, 15 June 2011

No Love Needed

love

I don't need your love anymore
Yes there are times
When I'm completely broken up
And want you badly
To talk to me and share your life
But that's just a momentary longing for love
After the tears have sunken in,
I go back to being normal..
The boy with a fake smile plastered on his face
Hiding beneath all his emotions
That he's so scared to share.

Dreams


I wanna stay up all night 
and talk to you
and feel them butterflies
flutter in my stomach
like they used to..
I wanna watch
the sun set and the moon rise
while being in your arms.
And see your face
with the purest glance.
But I know 
it will happen 
only in my dreams..
You belong to someone else
while I wish someday,
You'll belong with me.

Breaking Bond


Falling in and out of love
Seems like a game for you.
One day, you're all into me
Lovin me, adoring me,
Making me feel
Like I'm the only one
You've ever loved
And there's no other boy
Who can ever replace me.
But then you,
You have your own way
Of making me miserable.
Your littlest ignorance
Gives me the worst ideas
And makes me hate you.
A million questions
Rise in my mind
But I can never ask.
You keep your distance,
I keep mine.
And in that time,
The special bond
That we build up every time
Starts to break
Piece by piece,
All I can do is sit n watch
And wonder if you can see it too.

Losing Her



How does it feel
when you cannot be a part 
of someone's happiness
even when you want to be
so badly?
When you want to be with someone,
a friend,
but they drift away in time..
leaving you only with moments
spent with them as flashes of memories
in your brain..?
Its like a dagger
in the flesh, 
when you miss them insane.
Your life goes on well,
so does theirs.
But somewhere,
the void that builds up
cuz of there absence 
can never be filled.
I don't know 
if you'd ever read these words , 
but tonight
i'll pray that you return 
to be in my life again
Someday.

Unsent Text


You know you've been on my mind..
And however much I lie,
You're the one i'll dream of every night
You're the one I wish to be with 
but scared to say out loud.

Never Again


I was living with the fear
Of having a void
That would never be filled.
Then I met you.
Who mingled in my life
So easily..
And covered up that emptiness
With smiles and affection.
You warmed my heart
With love and care.
So much, that I never felt lonely again. 

Secrets!


So I Begin : 

1. If  i'm too sleepy but talking to someone through any medium, in person/online /on phone/text, the chances of me remembering the conversation are as low as 10% ! Ive had many embarrassing instances cuz of this in the past.

2. I'd rather watch a movie ALL ALONE than to sit next to someone who talks too much. I get homicidal thoughts if the person doesn't know how to control their chats until after the movie, don't care who the person is !


3. My bestfriends are MY best friends.. I'm not ashamed to say i'm possessive about them. It is like we share a "relationship". I get insecure if any other "boy-friend" spends more time with my BFFs.

4. I eat a lot . It may not seem so but I really do..lots of chocolates, butter stuff, ghee smeared chapatis, chicken and all those things my friends stay away from saying "so much fat in it". Why I dont gain any weight is a mystery to me too.

5. I judge people by their choice of music.

Three AM Thoughts




Three A.M... Playlist on shuffle and love songs playing one on one. Makes me think. Nothing happening in life as planned.. I'm not lonely, I just feel vacant. The only ones I can call or text right now are my best friends. I remember how the nights were so different this summer. I wasn’t this alone. Time literally flew when we two used to talk and it was all so dream-like and wonderful. Maybe I miss that time more than the person.

I guess it’s easier to lose people in life. Some little mistakes when combined become a huge roadblock on the path of your relationship and everything you've worked so hard for is gone. It could take minutes to end a relationship or it can deteriorate slowly, day by day. That is more painful. Everything should be instant, at least it hurts less.

The slow death is catastrophic. It leaves you nowhere because for the time it is in the dying process, you have that hope that maybe it’s gonna get back that life..and you try to do things to make it work, you wish for miracles and never miss a chance to give it all. But then as it has to die, you are shattered when it’s over. I don't say instant end isn't painful, just that you don't have to go through that useless 'extra effort' part in it.
But then again, if you've really been in love with someone so much, you can't believe it is The End if it happens in an instant.

I know I sound confused..

Life is confusing too and we've got to deal with it, Every Day and Night. All I know right now is, there's a Heart Vacancy and I don't see anyone who can fill it at the moment. I'm going to be content being alone until I find 'The One'.
:)



1. PIZZA !!!
















2. Chicken <3  






















3. Momos 
















4. Maggi




5. Chocolate 





1. Coldplay - The Scientist
I love this song beyond explanations. Its like the one song I dont listen much but can't forget the lyrics ever. It makes feel certain things no other song has ever made me feel. One Helluva ordinary yet amazing song. This song gives hope about starting all over again.. 

Morning Rain



"I Wake Up In The Morning, 
To The Sound Of Raindrops,
And I Wonder Where You'd Be,
And I Wonder If It's Raining There; 
Where Ever You Are I Hope You Think Of Me, 
When Its Raining There.."


There's something about rain that makes us all fall in love.. After going through an extremely hot summer, we await the rain desperately. The first showers bring immense happiness, smiles, celebration.. everyone rejoices the onset of monsoon ! The days that follow with the presence of dark clouds in the sky are no different too. That awesome feeling when we wake up to see its raining outside early morning has no comparisons !
 I remember my childhood days when I'd wake up to a sunless sky and then wish it'd be raining hard instead so I could skip school. I also remember the feeling of disappointment when it would start raining soon after entering the classroom ..! Those endless prayers sent above to make it rain before reaching school would all go in vain.. Been trapped in the classroom on a rainy day would be no less than a tragedy!
Growing up.. I remember the college days when the drizzles would wet the face during the bus rides with the
rainy songs playlist on, adding up to the awesome feeling of appreciating another beautiful gift of nature.
Last year, a rainy morning spent with friends was the most beautiful Rainy Day I've ever had in my life, so far.. Its Unforgettable. I miss that day, I miss how beautiful my city looked, I miss how  the tiny raindrops filled the air and beautified everything around.. I keep wishing for such rainy mornings. 

More than anything, right now I miss the thoughts and the state of emotions on waking up to morning rain.

Monsoon is eagerly awaited. 

<3

Listen this lovely song about rain :)

Secondhand Serenade Your Call

There's something about listening love songs at Three AM on a dark night. When you can still look the walls through the dark..and think, reminisce..miss. At times you've got someone to talk through the night.. at other times, you're just on you own. Wishing, waiting.
Such are the songs on my mind lately.. and Secondhand Serenade is the band I love to listen when i'm awake till dawn. the lyrics, slow music and the ordinary voice of the lead singer are just perfect!
So today, two of my favorite Secondhand Serenade songs for you to listen and love :)





Monday, 16 May 2011

As close as it gets to what am thinking now :)

All I wanna do is find a way back into love,
I can't make it through without a way back into love,
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do,
And if you help me to start again,
You know that I'll be there for you in the end!

Wednesday, 11 May 2011

Heartbreak

Have you ever felt your heart sink? Mine just did. Actually, it broke into pieces. Shredded. Like pieces of glass. And each shard is tearing into me deeper and deeper. I feel pain. Sorrow. But the tears are frozen. They won't flow.

Why would you cause me pain? Have I ever been less of a friend to you? I've always defended you, worried about you, given you the importance you deserve (and don't deserve). And this is what I get in return?

I wish I could be evil and inflict pain on you, but I can't. You don't deserve me. I hate you. And that's only because I love you way too much to let go.

Can't breathe. Can't breathe.

Monday, 9 May 2011

The art of letting go..

Learnt a very interesting lesson. If we clench our fist tightly for a few seconds it does not hurt. If we keep it clenched for a few minutes it makes you feel a little uneasy. Imagine holding it like this for days, months or years. Imagine the plight of your hand! This is what we do about many things in life. Relationships when held on momentarily strengthens it, then freedom should take over. Or else it starts hurting like the closed fist held for too long! Let GO!
Open your fingers and feel the freedom. Holding back can cause accumulation of a lot of stress, pain, expectations and what not. When things hurt in any aspect of life, its time to let go! Its time to move on. Its seems so simple. Simple things are so difficult to follow. We tend to accumulate a of stuff like old letters, cards, broken pieces of porcelain, clothes.. those cupboards, drawers full of these "memorabilia". Keeps accumulating, denying the "present"(today) a chance of existence in your life! You tend to keep living either in the past, in memories or in future,in dreams. There are people and feelings who need to be attended to, who are happily forgotten by us. Probably thats what "Get a life!" is all about...

Gone with the wind

Read a very beautiful book - Gone with the wind. So beautiful that I dint need a book mark to remember where I last left it. So beautiful that I felt that I could not "waste" my evenings in college, in spite of all the "work load". Long pending. Had wanted to read for so long. Loved every bit of it. Felt hurt and sorry at times for some characters in it. So true and lovely.

Life in a metro

Saw "Life in a metro" last week. A good paisa vasool kind of a movie, wont get bored for a minute, guaranteed. One thought that did linger is the amount of loneliness you feel sometimes in a big city, so full of people. May be it just happens all the time. Its very rare you get a someone with who you can share all your thoughts and even more rare (almost impossible) to find this same "someone" not change. Well it could be that you were the one who really changed and not this someone, but then it’s the same thing right? You end up being lonely all over again!

Sunday, 8 May 2011

Its just her...


There is this one person who takes immense liberty in your life to repeatedly to tell you all that you have known, treats you eternally like a kid, annoys you with so many questions, seems proud of every small thing you achieve, always has her way with things. You can shout at her once or twice, she doesnt mind! Then you give up. She is persistent. She has a mind of her own and takes her job very seriously of being your mother! I for the umpteenth time in my life am having cold and my mother still tells me what I need to do. For I change it feels soo good!

Happy mother's day!

Since its may 8th let me wish everyone a very 'Happy mother's day". I love ma mom, I admire her for her intelligence, her kindness, her affection, her attention to detail, her reasoning, her individuality, her courage, her strength, her patience, how she respects people for what they are rather than what they do for a living. There are several times when I have told her she cannot understand this and that, like when I speak about my college & studies and she asks me questions. She tells me she cannot understand only those things that she has no interest in or has no use for, but everything else she can. She is very confident in her expression, so very right in her attitude. I always used to get irritated when she used to force a friend to have something to eat or drink when they come home, she even offers coffee to the milk-man on cold mornings - I now understand this is what is being human all about. 

She has always been there for me, every single time I needed her. I have only grown proud of her with time. As far as I understand it, being my mother is a tough job. When I was a kid, our maid servant's daughter used to come and wait for her mother in our backyard. My mother used to give her some snacks while she waited. Her nick name was "Putty"( which means "little one" in Kannada). So if at all my mother used to call her "Putty" I used to create a ruckus! The only other kid my mother could show any affection was my sibling. No one else.

And I love my mother for letting me be whatever I am. I call her  maaaa, mumma, mummy, mom, amma and sometimes by her name! I love her name,

Mumma, I love you.

Happy mothers' day to all!
Publish
 
When am about to click the publish button to upload a post, I wonder what amount of freedom technology has bestowed us. I have read about struggles of authors trying to find publishers to reach the reader. But here we are today, at our own whim and click of a button “publishing” happens! There was a time I wishfully wanted to be a publisher, so that I could read many books for free!
Am reading this wonderful book called “The black swan” by Taleb in the genre – Economics and Philosophy – quite a heady combination but thoroughly entertaining. I also picked up “Emma” by Jane Austin yesterday and am already hooked. I had been wanting to read a Jane Austin from sometime now. I take longer to complete books these days, but at least am reading is what makes me happy. :)

LoVe at first sight

 

Love struck since we met
My heart's sun never did set
Just you, me and fate

Friday, 6 May 2011


Feel so complete with you

Your smile is heavenly
you touch me tenderly
your eyes they speak to me
a thousand summer nights
oh lovely lady
you mesmorise me
you fill my heart and soul
with pleasure and delight
i feel so complete with you
i never wanna let you go

Tuesday, 3 May 2011



I feel i'm choking in her sighs
I feel i'm lost in these arms
As lost as my path towards you
I've lost you
I've lost the way to you....

Monday, 2 May 2011


Attraction & infatuation...

So the whole point of one person being attracted to another is nothing but physical. Hold on girl, wait, before you tell me that you like a guy because he has a great sense of humour, let me tell you this: Was he making a joke when you first laid eyes on him?
Girls always have the same ol bullshit about whom they want to date-“Oh he should be tall, good looking and have a great sense of humour.” Meh. Most guys who have a great sense of humour look like me.
Now I know I am no Mitch Hedberg but I do have a great sense of humour. So One out of Three isn’t a bad score, is it? But of course as much as I state my odds on this matter, it is what we call a lost cause. Girls do not fall for guys like me, simply cause of our understanding of attractive people.
But I don’t blame you ladies for acting this way, guys are even worse. She can be a bitch of the first order and even sometimes the second, but if she fancies your palate, and let me make this very clear, we usually have a very shallow one, you are going in to get some for yourself and even seconds.
As for as far dating is concerned, we all look for something stable. You’ll never want to date a one-night, frankly because you know it’s a one night. But then if you were the one-night as well, so why should the other sex date you?
In all fairness, I am not a guru in these matters but as everybody else, I too have an opinion on it. So, shut the fuck up and listen to what I have to say. Oh ok, just carry reading on, then…
Girls and Boys, we have come to stage where we are attracted to each other……wait, there is no stage and there is no truth about whatever I have said. We are simply attracted because we are attracted. Call it whatever you bloody like as long as this article makes you think I am sexy ( for the ladies only )


Mornings...


I mumble to myself about another daybreak and crinkle in the glistening rays of the sun. Quite strangely,every morning whilst I brush my teeth, a few questions choose to stir my mind up. Most common ones being,
–”How does my alarm clock automatically get into the “Snooze” mode?”
–”Why do I get the best sleep while I am on the toilet seat?”
–”Why do I almost end up applying shaving cream to wash my face?”


When I suddenly realise the amount of time I choose to spend on these stupid questions..
Reality snaps back in the form of the wrist watch.Haste everywhere. A half eaten bread toast  on the table. Running behind the  bus [with an occassional "wait" to the driver],finally managing to enter the bus and feeling like a winner [for catching the bus] and a loser [for being late] at the same time and then, the blissful ”preparatory” nap till the college.
0900 hrs. college begins.


“I have a “carpe diem” mug and, truthfully, at six in the morning the words do not make me want to seize the day.  They make me want to slap a dead poet.”

Something’s gone missing..

Off late, I have had these overwhelming feelings, some which  sometimes cannot be controlled. They aren’t exactly negative feelings (i ain’t PMSing, mind you) ..I dont even know whether they are feelings, just words that sometimes need a ear. I miss that quintessential ear that would sit by me and listen to my shit, just like I do for most people. Maybe just a punching bag.

I miss all those times, when I managed to cry in front of frank about an infatuation going sour, I miss apeksha (ohh, I so miss apeksha), to just give a hug, like I did on a 20th march  and cry and wail my heart out till the time I felt so empty that I fell asleep in her arms and slept like I haven’t slept in years. I miss nights by the shekhar with Ro and the gang, high and so happy that, everything felt like a joke and every ill thought seemed distant. :)
Most friends questioned my choice of people when it came to trust, but somehow, I always opened to the fact, that everybody is worth your time and trust. Just figure out who would be unselfish enough to return it back. Somehow though, I have only met some very self centred jerks in the past year or so. My bad, maybe.
However, As time passes me by, the notion that “everybody hurts” has grown so deep, that I sometimes fear, I will not be able to trust anyone. The wall just grows bigger and the people managing to circumvent it grows smaller. After a certain point in time, the trials cease and the people choose to move away. What sucks is, the moment the befriending cycle begins.. the estrangement one begins running simultaneously on a sub conscious level.. and on one turn, the latter takes over. Nothing remains then.
I don’t know why I am putting this down. I probably just miss frank,anshu,meenal (probably, the only non-judgemental person I have met) , chinky (yes, you are a jerk.. but you still managed to make me super happy) and/or the ones that I could have truly loved.
I am growing older and I feel the need to close on the barriers of this feeling… or else, I will slowly spiral into some kind of random nothingness.
Which will lead me to either insanity or INSANITY… whichever comes first.
Bleh me, for writing this down. Just an emotional outburst..


Lustration


I have been spending a lot of time by myself lately. It works, especially, when you’ve had a rough week. However, while recalling all the things that happened all this time, there have been a couple of stark realizations. That, I have grown marvelously indifferent and that being lone is what I like best. It is not the best feeling that there can be. But at least, I can make peace with the reasons that lead me to feel this way.
“Won’t you fly high, free bird, yeah?”
More on it.Later.

Me.
hiya
This looks interesting…
How do I become a blogger?
to say what I have to say
to write what is a bother
and what makes my day..
really then how do I begin?
and see how to fit in
quizzically yours